Poor Baby Alex. John McCain can't have him. Mom's not going to let the child make that choice. We know the kind of Mom the child has and the kind of man Baby Alex is going to make:

• The military's never going to be a career choice for Baby Alex, because Mom's against war and stuff. He's never going to drive a tank, fly a helicopter, land a C130 on a patch of dirt, or stand watch on a destroyer.

• He'll never become a policeman because they deal with all sorts of sordid people: tacky, low-class people who are really oppressed by the system, but, well, you wouldn't want them in your home would you?

• He'll never hang around the firehouse with the guys, polishing a truck and waiting for an alarm. He'll never drive an ambulance, never stop somebody's bleeding, never crack somebody's ribs administering CPR, though he might have a class in high school, if it's a required course.

• Baby Alex will never experience the pleasure of hunting, because guns are dangerous and they kill people and why would Baby Alex want to kill Bambi? Or even Thumper?

• He'll never spend an afternoon fishing, never pull in a big 'un, because fish have feelings, too, y'know. How would you like to be pulled into the water with a hook in your lip? And he might fall into the drink and drown.