138Free Fire Zone: Wine, women and song: pick any two.

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Right. A snowbilly reindeer breeder with a doublewide stuffed full of moose antlers and Jaqueline Smith K-Mart collection clothing. A religious zealot who speaks in tongues and is anti-woman to the point of shaping her coif like the head of a menacing penis bent on forcible procreation. A dundering political toy to be fondled by NASCAR aficionados while their fat, bleach blond wives are busy in the kitchen throwing together a canned tuna and pea casserole.

I know this. Because beltway insiders who once saw pictures of caribou and own the first two seasons of “Northern Exposure” on DVD assure me it is so.

And no former, false-consciousness-ridden wannabe feminist whose primary claim to having a useful opinion on the matter is spending time with the vile, pageant-schooled ice slut is going to change my mind — especially not after Peggy Noonan’s hot flashes have weighed in.

So ramble on all you like, Ms Lafferty. But my mind is made up. I mean, tanning bed. Hello…


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