FFZ Exclusive: A Letter from the NCAA
2005-08-27
Posted by: badanov
An anonymous source within the NCAA has smuggled a letter out from NCAA headquarters hidden inside a used Marie's Blue Cheese Dressing jar. It was kinda messy and greasy, so we retyped it so it would look and sound authentic. Then we threw away the original, so it could not be traced to the source.
Greetings, Comrades:
Our campaign to eliminate American Indians from America's memory has suffered a small setback last week when Florida State won an appeal to keep the Seminole name. Even though our spokesperson ( another word for woman in our Glorious PC-speak ) said not all Seminoles were behind the use of the tribe's name, we don't expect to worry too much about this for now.
This is not a serious setback for us, for we have many other targets, and not just at the Division I level. The University of Illinois come to mind, and when we get them to back down, we can then appeal to Congress to get states and towns all across America to change their names, because you know use of geographical points, not just sports teams are offensive to Native Americans. Heh.
And remember, this is a gentle campaign. We are not rounding up American Indians to kill them. That would be gauche and hard to do since we don't believe in guns. No, it is much better we use the stroke of the pen and our superior cultural beliefs.
Rather, we will write them for the National Conscience, which we are renting for now. As soon as we can get the right judges in SCOTUS, we will petition the court for owning the American Conscience. This can happen, we know it can. When an individual can have property seized for the greater good, which we in our Supreme Intellect so clearly represents, giving us ownership of the National Conscience can't be far behind. Lawyers are so clever.
In other news we are trying to engage the services of Colorado's only True American Indian, Ward Churchill, in helping us with our quest to eliminate American Indians from the history books. This could be a good deal for us and Professor Churchill in that he will have less competition. And the best part: He can cherry-pick his Indian identity with less worry, sorta like he did last time. We just hope Ward Churchill survives the year at U of Colorado.
And besides, the University of Colorado Trotskyists sounds sooo much better.
Power to Certain People
Dee N. Wormer
Chairman of the NCAA Double Secret Committee
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