27 Ways to be a man: The Bad Man weighs in subject logo: CULTURE
Posted by: badanov

This appeared in Rantburg.com 18 months ago.

I saw Mike Rowe's reply to this nonsense, as well as Fred's . My answer:
1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn't have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
The closest I get to that is watching the spousal unit buy her own shoes. She doesn't trust my judgement anyway.
2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk.
The hell with that. Whenever someone asks me how it's going, I tell them: Crappy. When they ask: what's going on? I answer: I don't know what's going on. They won't tell me.
3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won't munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.
Chew with your mouth closed, then.
4. The modern man doesn't cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
What's steak?
5. The modern man won't blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.
My S-10 currently is having problems starting, so I have to find a place in the parking lot that's inclined, in case it doesn't start, and I have to push-start it.
6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse's phone and his kids' electronic devices are charging for the night.
I don't even know where my wife's phone is. Besides, she wants me to keep my hands off of it.
7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he'll show you the door.
Caffeine before 1800 hrs, water or watered down juice after that (I'm old). An occasional beer during a college football game in the afternoon, or with a big plate of enchiladas. Sometimes, rarely, beer for breakfast. Hey, don't laugh. When I got out of the army, for six solid months that was my breakfast.
8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he'll say "helicopter," not "chopper" like some gauche simpleton.
I use the best term I can think of at the moment, so I use it regardless of whether it is proper. A chopper is a helo, and an A-10 is a warbird.
9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.
Daughters are fun to raise, I agree. As for being a complete person: what are you talking about?
10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.
When I was single, I'd cook and use dishes until the sink was full. Then I'd eat out for as long as the money held out, which wasn't long, then wash dishes and go back to cooking. My 3rd wife changed all that, so she expects everything to be cleared.
11. The modern man has never "pinned" a tweet, and he never will.
Zero idea about pinning anything, even a Tweet. And when I used Twitter when I was writing Mexican Drug War news, it was listen only, not Tweet, unless some miscreant said something improper, then I'd weigh in.
12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.
I use Dawn. Really.
13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.
I listen to jazz, country, blues and rock once a week. Wu-Tang may as well be a new brand of powdered flavored drink for all I have heard.
14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.
I got a system for grocery shopping. I make a mental list and count the number of items. If I leave the store with that many items, the trip was a success regardless of whether I come home with what I started out shopping for. Makes for some interesting suppers.
15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.
I rent.
16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
I make sure the door is locked, and any weapons I have are cocked and locked.
17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
There's a new thing out for dealing with melons. It's called a knife, and it has worked for hundreds of years.
18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
That's where the old NRA membership card can come in handy.
19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.
My wife thinks I'm sorry anyway and she looks at flowers as though they are a bribe for something, or a down payment for bad behavior in the future.
20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
Some times I need an emotional shield as well. That's where the Smirnoff comes into play. And by "little spoon" I assume he is not talking about a coke spoon.
21. The modern man doesn't scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.
Laughing at what she did is among the more appropriate responses, followed by handing her a paper towel.
22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.
Which half?
23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann's films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).
I got Mann's film "Heat", and that is it in the Michael Mann collection.
24. The modern man doesn't get hung up on his phone's battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.
I'm with Fred. It's not like I get a whole lotta phone calls. Some folks, however, use their phones all the time, talking more in a day that I do in any given quarter. Frankly, I don't have that much to say.
25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn't own one, and he never will.
I'm a fairly good shot with the AK and the Mosin, and getting better. Pity the fool who won't own a gun, but you do what you gotta do to sooth that mangina of yours, I guess. I wasn't raised with guns, and I didn't fully appreciate what they are all about until much later in life. In my family, one adult male per generation, as far back as I know served in the military and has had some grounding with guns of some kind, as did I.
26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
I sometimes tear up listening to a sentimental country song, but that is about it.
27. People aren't sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.
If Bubba can dance, I can too.

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